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Mark would never do that and it's not as though I've got a hymen to bust. Riding took care of that ages ago." Were you frightened you might not be good enough?"Victoria stared at her. "Not consciously," she said slowly, "but that might have been it. I sort of rationalised it that I would be giving something to Mark which would make me permanently his and which I could never take back." But you've already given yourself to him; mind, body and soul, haven't you."Victoria nodded."And you're not thinking of taking any part of it back?"Victoria shook her head vehemently."You're still as much in love with him as when you agreed to marry him, aren't you?" More. It hurts when he's not there." So there's nothing more to give him. You've already given him your fanny as part of your body." I suppose I have. So all that rationalisation was a load of self-deceptive rubbish."Serena smiled at her. "That's one way of putting it," she said. "I think I may have hit it right the first time: frightened. A stalwart. A pillar. A mainstay. Hell, think up your own clichéd word for it.In the middle of our road trip, in the Coliseum in Oakland, I spotted Maria Warren talking to Paul in the hallway leading from the locker room to the field. She recognized me when I walked by and said "Hi, Alex!" Hello, Maria," I said, glancing at Paul before I kept walking.What was she doing in Oakland? God, she was beautiful!Remember, I told myself. Remember! She's a beautiful white girl. Worse, the white girl's name is "Warren." --As in Paul Warren, your boss -- Idiot!I didn't see Maria again until the next series, in Anaheim, and when I saw her there, I asked Paul about it."Maria traveling with you on this trip?" With me? --No," Paul said. "I hardly even see her from one day to the next. She's traveling with the club, though. She's working with Pete Hampton, the traveling secretary."The traveling secretary is the person who takes care of logistics for a ball club on the road. This guy does it all --.
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